Builds the Economy
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver"" - Jack Handy
Improves Your Outlook
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " - Frank Sinatra
Replaces Religion
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" - Brian O'Rourke
"To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!" - Dave Howell
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin
Generates Famous Quotes
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." - Henny Youngman
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." - Stephen Wright
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." - Dave Barry
Improves Your Brain
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
So...
By visiting the local purveyors of adult beverages for an occasional libation you will be helping the Arkansas economy and helping yourself at the same time.
Uncle Brice is, of course, a pen name. His opinions are his own and not necessarily those of anyone else in the world, and that includes any of the advertisers on this website and anyone otherwise associated with Online Little Rock. Articles presented here are copyrighted. If you would like to use part or all of this article for non-commercial purposes, please do so as long as you include this information at the bottom of the article in a conspicuous manner. Commercial users should contact the webmaster for proper licensing information and fees. |
Click here for Uncle Brice's New Blog.
Click here to take the Supreme Court Qualification Test.
Click here to exercise your brain with Things to Ponder.
Click here for recent changes to your Health Insurance Plan.
Two Ways to Change the Oil in Your Car
Thank Heaven for Mississippi
Parking Problem
Little Rock's Alotian Golf Course
New Election Process
Keep coming back; we're always looking for fun stuff. And, please remember to visit our online advertisers. Well, you can visit the brick-n-mortar ones, too!
