How to Qualify as an Uncle Brice H-n-A Platinum Awards Nominee: Nominees must demonstrate at least one instance of decision-making that reflects the true spirit of having their head clearly and unmistakably in a position few can achieve physically but everyone tends to accomplish mentally.
Who Can Qualify as a Nominee: Anybody. It is not necessary that anyone agree that your role in society be anything more than being present. Everybody does stupid things from time to time; most simply injure themselves. Others hurt a lot of people.
Examples: "We can increase our bottom line by hiring illegal aliens." "We'll arrest people for not wearing seatbelts, but motorcyclists don't need a helmet." "The economy will benefit if we provide tax relief to the upper 2% of taxpayers." "Brownie, you're doing a heckofa job!" "Little Rock schools are responsible for people exercising their right to move out of town." "Just say NO to drugs." Just say NO to sex." "Let's reduce crime by allowing citizens to carry concealed weapons." "Casino gambling will ruin Arkansas (like it has Mississippi?). Nude recreation is illegal in Arkansas, although it's a $500 million dollar industry elsewhere. January 2009 update: The Republican Party wants to reduce government spending [now that Bush is gone.]
Oh, there are so many directions to go with Uncle Brice's H-n-A Platinum Awards. And you can rest assured, Uncle Brice will visit as many as possible. It'll be like taking a vacation without leaving home which, with today's gas prices, might be a good idea!
Customer Service or the Lack Thereof: Uncle Brice has a pet peeve. It involves anyone who "should be involved" in providing customer service. And it's not just about restaurant servers; actually they're better than most. Anyone performing a function that pays an income should provide good customer service to someone. There's a reason the world's oldest profession is still the world's oldest profession. Oh, yeah, that's illegal in Arkansas, too!
What about television commericals that are five times the sound volume of the program you're watching? Commercial-free cable stations thank you for creating an industry for them. And their lack of customer service may soon bring competition by eliminating community franchises monopolies.
