Arkansas Humor

Uncle Brice

Understanding the Middle East Problem, Part Two

Jerusalem, of course, is the shiniest toy in the box. Both kids could play with it but it didn't belong to either of them.

"Uncle Brice? How'd that work out?"

I put those two sentences up there so you'd know you actually arrived at the answer page. You know, sort of like the first fifteen minutes of one of those made-for-tv movies that air on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday, pretty much guaranteeing that you'll miss one of 'em.

However, my writin's will be right here for your enjoyment until the Internet is no longer useful. I love the Internet. Anybody can communicate with anybody, but the United States government, in association with big corporate interests, are probably gonna screw it up. Until they do, please enjoy my words and do business with the folks whose advertisements you see on these pages.

Okay, now that we've covered the refresher and the opening promotional item, let's get back to the Toy Box of the Middle East.

Who knows more about kids and toy boxes than those wonderful people who provide Day Care services? One of the best I've heard of is an academy out in Maumelle. A tour of the property revealed indoor plumbing and no woodshed. I don't know how they maintain discipline without a woodshed but they're the professionals in that area, and parents seem to think they do a good job.

Which brings us back -- once again -- to a toy box, kids gathered around it and a shiny toy in the middle. You hear things like, "I want it", "I've got it", "Let me have it", and so forth. And, sometimes, there will be whining and crying and the occasional katyusha rocket. After all, the other name for that missile is Little Katie, further promoting my Kids in the Toy Box theme.

Okay, so why was the shiniest toy, Jerusalem, not given to anyone? The short answer is "for religious reasons". You see, there's this old wall there. Most of us know it as the Wailing Wall or Western Wall. Jewish people believe it is part of an old, old Jewish temple site built by King Herod and destroyed by the Romans in 70 CE. (FYI- Jewish people don't use BC and AD like Christians do; they use BCE and CE with CE referring to the Christian Era.). Arabs refer to it as the western wall of the Al-Aqsa Mosque. The Al-Aqsa Mosque, of course, is an Arab holy site.

Interesting Fact: About 60 years or so after the Romans destroyed Herod's Temple the Jewish people decided to rebel and retake Jerusalem. It didn't go well, and Hadrian banished all Jewish people from that city. Over 400 years later the Muslims conquered Jerusalem, built the Dome of the Rock, the Al-Aqsa Mosque AND LET THE JEWISH PEOPLE COME BACK INTO THE CITY.

Okay, let's fast-forward back to what was going on after World War I. Remember that both the Jewish people and the Arabs were promised land grants, so to speak. The Arabs were also told that the Jewish people would NOT BE ALLOWED to "prejudice the civil and religious rights" of the Arabs.

So, in 1929 the religious Muslims and the religious Jewish people got into a scuffle at the holy Western Wall during which over 100 from each side were killed. Eight years later the Peel Commission issued its report stating the peaceful coexistence between Muslim and Jewish people in Palestine was not possible.

So England decided to give up. They issued a "white paper" stating that Palestine would be given independence in ten years. This was immediately rejected by the Zionist movement. Then came World War II.

World War II ended, but the Middle East problem didn't. At the beginning of 1947 most of Palestine was Arab territory with a sprinkling of Jewish settlements. The United Nations decided to fix the problem with the Partition of 1947 in which the Jewish people would be given control over MOST of Palestine.

In other words, most of the toy box was taken away from the Arabs and given to the Zionists. Jerusalem, the shiniest toy, was still not to be part of either side of the toy box. So, in 1948, England tucked tail and ran. The Jewish people declared themselves to be an independent state. War erupted and the new nation of Israel took control of the whole toy box.

The United Nations stepped back in to end the war and move the Israelis back to their side of the toy box. The piece of land known as the Gaza Strip would be controlled by Egypt and the West Bank would be controlled by Jordan. You see, the 800,000 Arabs who lived in Palestine prior to the 1948 war now numbered only 170,000.

Now fast-forward to 1967. Israel swiftly extended its domination of the region during the Six Days War. The Jewish people took control of the Gaza Strip and the Sinai Peninsula away from Egypt, Arab East Jerusalem and the West Bank away from Jordan and the Golan Heights away from Syria. Of course, this new territory included about one and a half million Arabs.

Then, in 1980, with its eye on the shiniest toy, Israel declared that Jerusalem would be Israel's eternal capital.

Back at the academy in Maumelle, let's suppose 5-year old Johnny Walker Red pushes all the other kids away from the toy box and claims the shiniest toy to be his forever, and that he's taking it home with him. Furthermore, he announces that the other kids will be allowed to play only with the toys he so designates.

What do the other kids do? What do they overseers do? Well, we have a pretty good idea what the other kids will do. They find a friend with Katyusha rockets, RPGs and IEDs!

What do the overseers do? Only time will tell.

In conclusion (Author's Admission: I borrowed that from Bill Clinton's speech to the 1988 Democratic Convention.), Arkansans are responsible for the problem in the Middle East. If everybody had run down to Hank's Fyne Furniture and bought all those Ottomans, there would have been no Ottoman Empire, no Palestine, no Iraq, no problem!

And it's because of Arkansans like that and politicians in general that I hereby announce Uncle Brice's Platinum H-n-A Awards.

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