Internet Humor

Little Rock's Alotian Golf Course won Golf Digest magazine's Best New Private Course for 2005. Designed by Tom Fazio, an eleven-time winner in the magazines "Best New" categories, the course is the brainchild of Warren Stephens of the Arkansas Stephenses. The Stepheneses, as you will remember, took Arkansas investing to new heights when they took over the Rogers Building downtown. That, by Arkansas standards, is one tall building.

If only I hadn't knocked the head off my $8.76 Dunlop driver, I mighta snuck onto the 300-acre course and tested my skills of hitting a ball...consume an adult beverage while walking to it...hitting it again...consume another adult beverage while walking to it...hitting it again...consume another adult beverage while walking to it...and, after four or five hours, give up and go to the 25,000 square foot clubhouse for an adult beverage.

People that don't sneak onto the course get golf carts so they can tote one another from ball placement to ball placement. Word is that the course has some great views since it overlooks Lake Maumelle but I don't know if you can see naturist boaters...uh, wait a minute, that's illegal in Arkansas.

Anyway, that's pretty much beside the point ever since the folks over at fun pics showed me a photo of the modern trend in golf hazards. According to Mr. Stephens of the Arkansas Stephenses Alotian has generous fairways and a forgiving rough because he wanted people to have fun and not become frustrated.

I thought frustration was the whole purpose of golf -- you know, other than frequent consumption of adult beverages like extra sweet tea and whatnot. The folks I played with prior to bustin' my Dunlop cussed a lot and got these really weird expressions on their faces and, very probably, woulda busted a blood pressure gadget. Now I'm no doctor, nor did I sleep in a Holiday Inn last night, but I'm thinking that bustin' a blood pressure thing is more serious than bustin' a Dunlop.

Come to think of it, Arkansas golfers probably shouldn't use Dunlop clubs because of the conut...congre...commis...dang--where's my George W. Bush Dictionary when I need it? Well, let's just say Dunlop is applied to lots of things in Arkansas.

For instance, a chicken ain't ready for frying till you Dunlopped off it's head. And then there's the politicans who dream up things to pass laws about like someone Dunlopped off their heads. You can read more about politicians in the H-n-A Awards Section.

Anyway, if you want to see a true golf hazard, play like you're at Children's Hospital and follow the red arrows.

 

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